Heart's Desire
by Hat.Fantastic
Summary: **Mature readers only!**


Heart's Desire

Heather Thornhill

"You really should tell her how you feel," my friend Jane said, lightly touching my arm. "You'll never know what could have happened, if you don't say saying. What if she felt the same way?"

I sighed. "So, what if she does? It's not like I can publicly be with her. I would just die if I knew she felt the same way and yet, we could never be together."

Jane groaned. "Stop saying that! You could be with her, if you really wanted to. You could sneak around. I mean, come on, look at Andre and me. You know my parents would kill me if I brought a black man home. So, instead, we see each other in private."

I shook my head. "I could never do that. If I'm with someone, I wouldn't want to hide that person. I mean, I don't want to live a double life like you."

"It's not so bad," Jane argued. "I love him and if my parents knew about the two of us, I would probably be forbidden to see him. Heck, I could possibly be kicked out of the family."

I rolled my eyes. "You're being overly dramatic, as usual. Your parents love you and would want to see their only child happy. Besides, you're spoiled. You'd get your way. Maybe you're just ashamed of loving a black man."

I knew I had hit a nerve. Jane glared at me and looked away, her shoulder shaking. She was my best friend and I hoped I hadn't caused her to cry, however; I felt like the truth had to be told. She needed to hear it. I was the only one who knew about Andre, so who else would be able to tell her?

"Fine, Jo, do what you want. Don't allow yourself to be happy. You coward!"

I almost rolled my eyes again. Yeah, so what if I were a coward? This was my problem, not hers. I was tired of her constantly bringing up my feelings for Emily. It was hard to stop thinking about her when Jane was as fixated on her as I was.

The front door opened, and we both looked up to greet the customer. It was Emily. What was she doing here?

Jane smirked at me. "Wow, looks like fate's trying to tell you something, huh, Jo?" she asked with a whisper.

I whispered back, "It's just a coincident. Besides, she didn't even know where I worked."

"Well, she sure does now," she said as Emily spotted the two us behind the counter, and she headed our way.

"Hi, Jo!" she said excitedly with that beautiful smile that had first caused me to fall head over heels for her. "I didn't know you worked here."

I nodded. "Yeah, just on the weekends. You remember Jane, don't you?"

She flashed that same incredible smile at Jane. "Yes, I do. Hey, Jane. How are you?"

Jane couldn't help but grin back at her. "Good, thanks. I have to get something from the back. I'll be right back." She took off for the storage room. There were no other customers in the store, and my manager was on her lunch break. Emily and I were left completely alone.

"Well, what can I get you?" I asked. She hadn't known where I worked, so I assumed she had come in to get something to drink.

She ordered a caramel mocha latte and as I was making her coffee, she chatted about the change of temperature outside. The weather, for Christ sake? Is that all we were? Just a couple of acquaintances that had nothing better to talk about than the God damned weather? Did that kiss the other night mean absolutely nothing to her? It sure had meant the world to me.

She grew quiet when I handed over her drink. I saw her cheek redden a little as we caught each others' eyes. Was she, too, thinking about that amazing kiss we shared just the other night? Feeling impulsive, I gently grabbed her empty hand.

She looked away and focused her attention on my hand. She appeared nervous, and I wondered what was going on in that lovely head of hers. I wished I wasn't at work, because I desperately wanted to kiss her again. I felt a sudden rush of heat as she ran her fingers up and down my arm.

"Jo," she said softly and glanced back up at me.

I stared into her dark, chocolate brown eyes. "Yeah, Em?" I whispered back.

"I…." she trailed off as the front door chimed and a few customers poured into the store. I quickly pulled my arm away from her and called for Jane's help.

We hurriedly assisted the customers and when our line was gone, I turned my attention back to Emily. She was sitting in a corner booth, gazing out the window. I wanted to ask her what she would have said, had we not been interrupted. But I didn't want to pressure her, and I was being to feel awkward just having her in the same room as I.

Emily finished her coffee and got up to put her coat back on. She walked back over to the counter and said with a frown, "I'm sorry I can't stay and talk. I have to get to work. I'll give you a call later, ok, Jo?"

I nodded and she said goodbye. Before I could tell her bye, she took off. I wanted to call after her, but I didn't. I just stood there and watched her rush out the door. I wanted to ask when "later" would be, but didn't want to sound too anxious. I knew she didn't have my number, but we had met through a mutual friend, so I just assumed she would get the number from Taylor, if she hadn't already. As soon as she had left the party the other night, I begged Taylor for her number. So, should I call her? She did say she would call, so I would let her be the first to make a move.

My manager came back from her lunch break and put me to work unpacking boxes of napkins. I sat in the storage room, my mind wondering off. I couldn't help but think about Emily and how wonderful that kiss had been.

I had first laid eyes on Emily a few months ago. I don't know if she even remembers first meeting me that day. It had been summer then, and it was a beautiful day. My father was in town, visiting. I had taken the opportunity to go play tennis with my dad at the local park.

Taylor had noticed us and called out to me. She waved and I waved back. With her was a tall, thin beautiful girl with long flowing brown hair. With that hair and golden skin she resembled Pocahontas. The girl was walking a large dog and laughing with Taylor. They continued to walk along, and I couldn't help but notice that this girl looked as lovely from the back as she did from the front. Her bottom fit nicely in her snug jeans. It caused my body to go wild, and I couldn't help but picture myself squeezing that ass.

_Chill out Jo,_ I told myself and tried to focus on the tennis game. I couldn't wait for the game to end and I would be able to find out the details on that girl from Taylor.

My dad and I soon finished playing tennis. My concentration hadn't been on the game; I had been too busy daydreaming about that girl with Taylor. My dad had an easy win and yet, he couldn't stop boasting about kicking my ass on the court. I rolled my eyes at him and told him I would definitely bring my A game next time around. He left, laughing, and I began to walk around the park. I had hoped to run into the two of them. I lucked out.

"Hey, Taylor!" I called out to her when I spotted the two of jogging on the walking trail along the lake. They stopped at the sound of my voice, and Taylor introduced the two of us. Emily didn't get a chance to talk, because the large dog ran off and she followed after him.

I had to ask Taylor about Emily. Was she single, available? Or maybe she and Taylor was a couple? I had hoped not.

"Do dish, Taylor," I said to her. "Are you two dating?"

Taylor shook her head. "No, she just moved in the apartment across the hall from mine. She and I just started hanging out. Besides, I honestly don't know if she is gay or straight."

I hadn't thought about her being straight. I mean, I just assumed she was a lesbian like Taylor or at least bi, like me. I rarely would find myself attracted to a woman and it would just be my luck that when I did fall for one, it would be a heterosexual one.

Taylor noticed the disappointment written on my face. "Cheer up, Jo, we don't know for sure she's straight."

"No offense, but it's obvious that you're a dike. You'd think she'd have said something about her own sexuality to you."

Taylor rolled her eyes. "I barely know her. Why would she tell a stranger what her sexual preference was?"

I shrugged. I could see her point. So, maybe, there was hope.

I had to get to work so I said goodbye to Taylor and told her to tell me something if or when she found out any dirt on Emily. Taylor promised.

Taylor and Emily became good friends and occasionally I would hang out with them, but I had two jobs it was nearly impossible for me to spend a whole lot of time with them. Taylor kept her word and just a month later she let me know that Emily was bi and single and very available. Yes, there was a god! But then there was a catch. She had never been with a woman and hadn't come out to anyone yet, well besides her new friend Taylor. She probably didn't know for sure yet if she really was bi. Maybe she was just bi-curious.

Either way, I certainly had a fear of rejection. I didn't have the nerve to tell her how I felt. We became friends, mostly because of Taylor, and I was able to get to know her. I really liked her. In fact, I was falling head over heels for her.

Our relationship changed the other night when at a party, she and I started dancing together. We were both a little tipsy. Before I could think about what I was doing, I wrapped my arms tighter around her and brushed my lips with hers. I stepped back, suddenly afraid of what she'd do. I wouldn't have been surprised if she'd slapped me. I had never led her to think I had feelings for her, at least not before that moment.

What she did next did indeed surprise me. She took me into her arms and kissed me back. When I was kissing her, I felt my whole body on fire. She tasted wonderful, and I didn't want the kiss to end.

I was sorry when the kiss did eventually end. She must have come to her senses, because she suddenly pulled away from me and fled from the room. I never did get the chance to hear how she'd felt about that kiss. And I had to find out how she felt. Just wondering about it was driving me crazy!

"Well, what are you thinking about?" Jane asked me later that evening as I sat in the passenger seat of her car, gazing out the window. I had been quiet the entire ride home. We were nearing the dormitory I lived in.

"You know what I'm thinking about." I groaned. "I can't stop thinking about Emily. Will she call? And if so, when?"

"Don't you have her number? Why don't you give her a call?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe I will. She _did_ say she would call."

"Then stop stressing over it. If she said she would call, then she'll call. It's not like she's a man. You know you'd have to wait around for days, if that were the case."

"You're right about that!" I replied back with a grin. "Okay, I'll stop stressing. But if she doesn't call by tomorrow, then I'll be giving her a call."

I didn't have to wait long. She called later that night. She asked if she could come over so we could talk. I agreed. I couldn't wait to see her so we could sort out these feelings.

My door room's patio faced the visitor's parking lot and I had been standing by the window, watching Emily's arrival. When I spotted her white jeep pulling into a parking spot, I opened the back door and stepped out onto the patio.

Emily must have changed since I last saw her, because I would have noticed that short, black dress that clung nicely to her body, had she worn it earlier. And I definitely didn't remember that form-fitting dress.

I wish I had changed into something a little less casual. I had on my jeans I had been wearing at work and an oversized red sweater that certainly did not look attractive on me. _Oh well, too late now,_ I said to myself as she spotted me and headed my way.

"Hey, Emily," I said as she joined me on the patio. I grinned as I noticed her high, stiletto heels. She towered over me. I was nearly six feet tall and almost never felt short before, but I sure did at the moment.

I could tell she was freezing out on the patio; her body was shivering. She hadn't even worn a jacket. I opened the door and gestured for her to go inside. I followed after her and watched as she cautiously took a seat on the edge of the sofa. She tugged at the end of her dress, probably trying to make sure her underwear wasn't showing. Too my advantage, she had failed. I had already spotted the hot pink thong when she'd bent down to take a seat.

Although I had been anticipating her arrival and had practiced what I would say, I was suddenly at a loss of words. I sat on the chair across from the sofa so I was able to look directly at her. She lowered her eyes so I was unable to make eye contact. We sat in silence for a few minutes. I was sure we were both very nervous and didn't know exactly how to start up a conversation. We were supposed to be talking about that kiss, but how do you even begin a discussion about something like that?

I heard a key turn in the lock on the door and the silence was interrupted with the sound of my roommate talking on her cell phone. She entered the living room and noticed the two of us.

"Oh hey, I didn't realize you had company. I'll go hang out in my room and let you have your privacy," Erica winked at me and walked quickly to her bedroom. She and I had been roommates since school had started two months ago and had just recently found out I was bi. Every time I was with another girl, she just assumed that I was intimate with her and wanted my privacy. At one time she'd thought I was into her., that's just how dense she was about my sexuality.

The awkward silence had been broken, and I was able to speak my mind. "So, Emily, I just want to say that I've been thinking a lot about that kiss. In fact, that's all I have been thinking since the other night. It was one passionate kiss. I don't regret kissing you, and I'd like to know why you kissed me back and then fled before we could talk about."

There, I had told her my feelings. And I had asked her why she'd left. I knew she couldn't have possibly regretted it, either. That was one incredible kiss. Maybe it was because she had newly come out to her friends and was awkward about the whole thing, because a few of her friends had witnessed the kiss.

She confirmed what I had been thinking. "Look, Jo, you know I'm new at this. These feelings I have for you are really hard for me to admit. I've never been this attracted to another female before, and well, I am kind of ashamed about my feelings. I keep thinking that this isn't right; I'm supposed to only like guys. My friends don't believe that I could ever been intimate with another girl. They think this is just a phase I'm going through. I am in college, after all. A lot of people experiment in college. I'm sorry, Jo, but I honestly don't know what to call this attraction I have for you."

Boy did I know how she felt. When I had first come out to Jane, she'd said the same thing. It was three years ago, when we were seniors in high school. She said it was a phase, as well. She said we'd go off to college and I'd get the chance to experiment and get it out of my system. Well, it was now three years later and I was very much still a bisexual. And thankfully, my friends had come to accept it. My family was now the only ones in the dark. I just couldn't tell them that their only girl would probably never marry.

In fact, I was leaning more to being a lesbian. And I haven't even admitted it to myself, yet. People seem to be less judgmental when you tell them you're bi instead of a full-fledged lesbian.

"Jo?" Emily asked, breaking into my deep thoughts. "Is this too much for you to handle? I mean, you did know that I'm pretty new at this."

I almost laughed when I saw the disappointed look on her face. She wanted this to work as much as I did. I took her hand into mine and squeezed it. "It's not too much for me. I've been in your shoes, Em. If you want to work at this, I definitely do as well."

She smiled at me. She focused her dark eyes on me. Finally, some eye contact! I could tell her nerves were slowly going away, just as mine were.

"I would like to see what these feelings are. I just would hate to hurt you in the process."

Somehow I didn't see myself getting hurt. Call it being conceded, but I just called it confidence. I know it was just one kiss, but it had allowed me to know that I had strong feelings for her and I was willing to bet she felt the same. And I hoped to goodness, it wasn't just a phase for her.

"Don't worry about me," I said softly. I got up from the chair and sat next to her on the sofa. I turned her head toward mine and kissed her. I pulled her tightly in my arms and gave her a very passionate kiss that I hoped expressed just how exactly I felt about her.

She deepened the kiss. She thrust her tongue in my mouth and my body lit up with fire. Lust overcame me, and I pressed my breasts against hers. I wanted to get as close as her as I possibly could. The kiss was much longer than the one we had shared before. And although the first one had been wonderful, it couldn't compare to this recent one. She gave and I took and in return, I gave and she took.

Like all good things must come to an end, this one did as well. But I knew it was about to go further, because she looked up at me with eyes full of passion. She asked if we could go into my bedroom, because she was afraid my roommate may walk in on us again.

Just like at the party, she was incredibly shy. I felt it to be adorable. In the back of my mind I was thinking that she was too ashamed to commit an act of PDA (public display of affection), but I just pushed that thought away. I wasn't thinking with my brain at the moment. I was thinking of my heart. It was my heart's desire to be intimate with Emily, no matter what the cost.

I led her into the bedroom and watched as she unlaced her sandals. She jumped onto my bed and lay, sprawled out. She patted a spot next to her. I kicked my sneakers off and took off my sweater, but I wasn't close to being naked, at least not yet. I did have a tank top on underneath. I lay next to her and gently touched her face. "Are we going too fast?" I asked, wanting her to know that I'd do whatever she wanted, even if it meant taking it slow. But, God, I definitely couldn't handle it if we went too terribly slow.

She shook her head and kissed me. I pulled her close and kissed her back. As I was kissing her, my hands found the zipper on the back of her dress. I unzipped the dress as I moved my lips to her neck. I tenderly nuzzled it.

"Oh, please don't stop," she whimpered.

I was far from ending the intimacy. Within seconds I had the dress off of her. I was pleased to see that she had on a corset bra that matched the thong. Her lingerie was so sexy; I knew she had come to my place with someone more than friendship on her mind. Why else had she worn something so scandalous?

And man, did I hope she wasn't being a tease right now. I don't think I could ever stop touching her.

Before I could touch her beautiful, large bosom, she began to undress me. I felt uncomfortable in my white sports bra and matching boy shorts. I didn't feel sexy at all.

"Jo, you look fine," she said, noticing my discomfort. "In fact, I think you look really cute." She slowly unclasped my bra and then flung it to the floor.

_Cute?_ I groaned inwardly. I didn't want to look cute right now. I wanted to look at desirable as she was looking. But from the kiss she was giving me, I knew she desired me as well.

I thought I would have to be the one to move things along, but she took control and moved her lips all throughout my body. She stopped at my breast, taking time to suck on each nipple. I made a noise that I haven't made in a long time, and it felt damn good to scream from pleasure.

She trailed kisses down my tummy and stopped at the top of my panties.

_Would she dare?_ I couldn't help but wonder as her lips lingered on the cotton of my underwear. Indeed, she did dare. She carefully pulled my panties down. What happened next was so erotically wonderful and mind blowing, I hope the memory never fades away.

She was performing so well, I almost didn't believe she'd never been with a woman before. I felt nothing but sheer bliss. After I climaxed, I rolled over onto Emily and returned the favor. Hearing her moan and groan with pleasure was a big relief to me. I knew at that moment that she wasn't just curious; she was truly enjoying herself with a woman. And I was enjoying myself as well.

When we had finished being intimate, we lay for awhile in each others' arms, just enjoying one another's company. That was the difference between being with a woman rather than being with a man; there was always cuddling involved.

"Where do we go from here?" Emily asked a little while later. "I mean, what do we call each other?"

I shrugged. "Why do we even need to put a label on this?"

"I'd like to know what to call you when I tell my friends about you," she said softly.

"You'll tell your friends about me?" I asked, pleased but also surprised.

She nodded. "Yep, I want to let them know this is definitely _not_ a phase."


End file.
